Everything is Changing All the Time

Our family all came together for a celebration of my Mom’s life and we all experienced many emotions and also the connections that allow us to move forward in our lives with each other.

Nobody wants to live without companionship and connection. These are basic human needs we all have.

As a wife and mother and daughter, sister, aunt, cousin and now mother in law I relate to how relationships flow and shift, when they are healthy.

Nobody has a static life and these changes that happen within these sacred relationships don’t always happen according to the timing we would like.

My husband has lived with Parkinson’s disease for the past 20 years and I have agreed to be his caregiver as well the wife, partner, lover and friend I was before Parkinson’s. Navigating what being a caregiver entails and stepping up as this mercurial disease continues to evolve has been one of the biggest challenges in my life. Disease is a situation that magnifies the changes that happen in relationship and can be a model for the gentler changes that occur as people grow older, children grow up, people get married, babies are born and on and on.

Yesterday, Andy and I both had personal consultations with our Ayurvedic doctor and friend from India who comes to our small town in New Mexico every year. Dr. Nisar took our pulses and then asked us how he can help. His specialty in healthcare in the intersection of physical and psychological. He asked me if I could feel that I was holding some anger and I immediately recognized that was. I am not overall an angry person. That is not my true self. In the last six months my life has given me some new challenges that I have not integrated fully yet and have led anger to come up. I was advised to explore the “corners” of my life and allow any angry feelings to surface and to express them privately to myself in my writing. I was advised that expression leads to washing away the angry energy.

Expression not repression is the path to freedom.

One of my life’s north stars is being in nature. I can always find my balance and recenter myself at the stream, in the mountains and at the seashore.

I have committed today to allowing my disappointments/angers to flow through me and to wash away as well as to spend more time by myself and in nature so as to accept and embrace the changes that my own life keeps giving me.

I need the people in my life to understand and to support me and I am committed to the people in my life as they also live through their changes. After all, we are only human.

Everything changes all the time and we need each other through it all.

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