Cultivating a Garden Rather Than Building a Blueprint

Our garden has always been our work in progress and so it is with my own healing. I’m getting there. I have to do a bit every day and only pay attention to my own timing.

When I hurt myself in a pretty awful skiing accident on January 30th, life for me as I knew it, stopped.

I was no longer able to do important care for Andy and I couldn’t take care of myself either. Many friends and family came to live with us and give Andy and me both the security of their presences while showing us the love they felt for us.

This time has been a reckoning for me. I could not possibly have earned or been owed the sacrifices five people made when they left their own lives and helped me patch things up in my own. Local neighbors and friends also pitched in and offered us wonderful meals, much needed social visits and driving services.

It’s been almost 4 months and I feel myself getting excited to join back into life as I knew it. I feel a welling up of emotion when I’m able to engage in life in a way my injury stopped me for a while. It is something between awe and gratitude that I feel when I can pull into the NON handicapped space at the gym and walk in with my cane.

I have a long ways to still go.

I’m glad it is spring because my garden, and the forest surrounding my home, all help to give me visceral reminders that I am cultivating the health and garden of my own life. There is no plan to follow that doesn’t also include every variation possible. It is up to me to choose how much exercise and when, what food to eat, how much rest I need to balance the physical therapy and who to include in my life.

Making these decisions while being surrounded my my natural garden and her everyday experiences has been inspiring and useful to me.

So much happens seemingly automatically. The grass grows, dandelions appear, bird couples arrive and build new nests, Iris blooms appear, trees leaf out and it’s time to uncover and clean our fountain/sculpture.

Then, I remember that Andy rescued those Iris out of the arroyo dump and planted them. We planted the Crab Apple, Aspen, Elderberry and Lilac trees and bushes. The grass required years of raking and sowing seeds. Our garden has always been our work in progress and so it is with my own healing.

I’m getting there. I do a bit every day and don’t worry about timing from any source but my self. It is different than following a blueprint when building something. This healing is an evolving creative process that responds to information as it occurs.

Am I full of energy? Happy? Do I have an appetite? Am I tired? A little low?

Every day is another day to assess, choose, and embrace the reality of the gardens of our lives even though they are still a work in progress.

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