Is Forgiveness Hard?

When Andy was very sick, we discovered it was way too hard to keep wondering why? What had we done to deserve this? Where had we gone wrong in our thoughts, choices and lives?

Forgiveness does not have to be hard.

It is not, by reputation, supposed to be easy, but in reality I think it can be. It is so much harder for a person to hold on to the bad things that happen and to keep letting them hurt over and over and over.

When Andy got Parkinson’s we were both in disbelief. We had spent our lives seeking health and Parkinson’s didn’t fit anywhere in our vision for ourselves. Andy wondered where this came from. It didn’t run in his family. We’d spent years learning to take responsibility for what happened in our lives and couldn’t understand what we had done to create this terrible disease.

Popular culture has brought an idea into vogue that everything that happens to us is by our own creation. It hypothesizes that we control our own lives, through the law of attraction, and by having only positive thoughts we will have only positive experiences. This delusional positivity deletes the possibility of innocence and anyone being a victim because it proselytizes that all of life is within our control. Although it sounds empowering to have such control, when bad stuff happens and forgiveness is needed, it makes it hard.

The definition of forgiveness includes a conscious deliberate decision to release feelings of resentment or vengeance towards something that has harmed you, without forgetting or condoning what happened.

When Andy was very sick, we discovered it was way too hard to keep wondering why? What had we done to deserve this? Where had we gone wrong in our thoughts, choices and lives? Living with Parkinson’s forced us into forgiving ourselves and each other. At first it felt hard but as soon as we made that conscious deliberate decision, it was easy and triggered the love we needed.

Forgiveness is a component of love. Most everyone with an illness or disease is negatively impacted by the need to blame someone or something or, most destructively, themselves for what happened. Forgiveness will restore balance and healing becomes much more available when balanced.

It feels good.

That’s why is doesn’t have to be hard.

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